Michael, Jim, Dwight, Pam, Andy
Use the episode files below to drill into a specific meeting, party, cold open or disaster.
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7,630 quote snippets across 24 episodes and 147 speakers.
Use the episode files below to drill into a specific meeting, party, cold open or disaster.
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Episode files
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332 quotes, 26 speakers, 0 deleted lines.
"[crouching beside car] Jump over the camera! Jump over the camera! [Michael feebly attempts to jump off car, gives double thumbs up to camera]"Open episode
268 quotes, 20 speakers, 0 deleted lines.
"In your experience, what should I be expecting in terms of sensation or emotions? [Oscar looks irritated and frustrated] Is there anything I can do to make it more pleasurable for me or for Dr. Shaundry?"Open episode
303 quotes, 16 speakers, 0 deleted lines.
"Look, it doesn't take a genius to know that any organization thrives when it has two leaders. Go ahead, name a country that doesn't have two presidents. A boat that sets sail without two captains. Where would Catholicism be without the popes?"Open episode
552 quotes, 36 speakers, 0 deleted lines.
"I'm sorry. You guys have probably noticed my stomach's a little more sensitive lately. So, if you wouldn't mind wearing a little less perfume... and if your lunch is especially pungent, maybe have it in the break room?"Open episode
353 quotes, 21 speakers, 0 deleted lines.
"Yes. So, it all starts with a handshake. But you can't just go right to the selling, you need 'small talk.' What topics can you use for small talk?"Open episode
315 quotes, 17 speakers, 0 deleted lines.
"Blind-guy McSqueezy. How do I describe it? It is a character I've been workshopping whose lack of vision gets him into all sorts of trouble. The women in my improve class absolutely hate him. [groans]"Open episode
319 quotes, 20 speakers, 0 deleted lines.
"This is the spookiest warehouse in the world, kids. You don't believe me? Just take a look. [Kevin chops into Erin, who is dressed as Princess Fiona] Oh. Scary, huh? This is a surgery with an octopus and a burn victim."Open episode
367 quotes, 19 speakers, 0 deleted lines.
"Can't a guy just buy some bagels for his friends so they'll owe him a favor which he can use to get someone fired who stole a co-manager position from him anymore? Geez. When did everyone get so cynical?"Open episode
247 quotes, 18 speakers, 0 deleted lines.
"[screaming, Phyllis and Dwight wrestling] Got you! Broken arm! Boom Boom Boom! Broken Nose! Boom Boom Boom Boom! Broken Nose! Boom! Ha, gonna flip you!"Open episode
267 quotes, 28 speakers, 0 deleted lines.
"Happy Earth Day, everyone. I'm Recyclops. Did you know that an old milk carton can be sawed in half and used as a planter?"Open episode
265 quotes, 25 speakers, 0 deleted lines.
"Do I sometimes replace Rs with Ws? Yes. Do I sometimes repeat a word to get my point across? Well if I do, Andy's sowwy."Open episode
334 quotes, 26 speakers, 0 deleted lines.
"My diabolical plot is on hold for Christmas. My heart just melts with the sound of children singing. Hmmph! [laughs] Not really! I'm just tired. The days are short. I don't know. Maybe I'm depressed."Open episode
131 quotes, 12 speakers, 0 deleted lines.
"[entering on a Segway Scooter] I see you've met Computron, our virtual helper. I'm Michael Scott. Welcome. Welcome. Computron is just one of the many modern devices that I have incorporated into the office. Watch this. Computron?"Open episode
264 quotes, 27 speakers, 0 deleted lines.
"Oh, yeah. [clapping and chanting] I got a big box, yes I do. I got a big box how 'bout you? [points to Erin]"Open episode
295 quotes, 18 speakers, 0 deleted lines.
"Hello Vancouver, this is Michael Scott calling from the United States of America! I have a reservation in your fair city from February 12th to the 19th, first week of the Olympics."Open episode
625 quotes, 29 speakers, 0 deleted lines.
"[on the phone] Hey, did I tell you we were going to have a baby? Oh, thank you very much. I'm excited. Oh, definitely."Open episode
279 quotes, 25 speakers, 0 deleted lines.
"Hello hello. Top of the morning to you! Ooh ooh! Green M&Ms! Nature's Viagra! [Grabs and pours Kevin-esque scoop of M&Ms into his coat pocket] Two of my favorite joke areas combined. It'll be a good day."Open episode
281 quotes, 18 speakers, 0 deleted lines.
"Okay, okay. Screw you, Halpert. You know, it's not easy getting excited about stuff. Remember how you felt when you thought you'd seen Roger Clemens?"Open episode
359 quotes, 25 speakers, 0 deleted lines.
"Gets to go home. [everyone starts to do push-ups] Ooh! I say 'dance,' they say 'how high?' Here we go. Oh, no. No, no, no. Butt to high. [steps on Angela] Disqualified!"Open episode
267 quotes, 19 speakers, 0 deleted lines.
"[Kevin's voice] Oscar, Toby said he left my Girl Scout cookies on my chair. Have you seen them? Wait I'm sitting on them. [all laugh]"Open episode
328 quotes, 21 speakers, 0 deleted lines.
"If you want people to put the best face on something, why would you get two people who probably never cut the face off of anything in their lives?"Open episode
308 quotes, 18 speakers, 0 deleted lines.
"Very well. I must have imagined it. I apologize. [Pam clacking her stapler and Jim responding with tapping his keyboard rhythmically] Detonator. Detonator where? Michael!"Open episode
326 quotes, 23 speakers, 0 deleted lines.
"You're kidding me? God! You say radon is silent, but deadly, and then you expect me not to make farting noises with my mouth? What is this?"Open episode
245 quotes, 23 speakers, 0 deleted lines.
"Oh, that teacher who was wrongfully accused of being a pedophile. Now, we cannot let the pedophile win again! I would like you all to go to the website and watch my clip eleven times."Open episode